Parenting Versus Grandparenting:
Finding the Happy Medium

The relationship between parent and child is frequently a rocky one. As the child grows into adulthood, however, things can settle down.

A Word to the Wise Grandparents

If I had known grandchildren were this much fun,
I would have had them first!

This well-known quote has been attributed to many people, but whoever said it, many think it’s true. Grandchildren give you the chance to do it all over again, only better, at a time when you’re older, wiser, and perhaps more patient.

Being grandparents sufficiently removes us from the responsibilities
so that we can be friends.  Allan Frome, Author

Chances are that you don’t have to force your grandchildren to eat vegetables or do homework. You can be there for fun, and the kids will love you for it. However, you still have to . . .

Follow the Rules!

Whether you’re a free-spirit granny or a straight-arrow grandpa, you have to work with your grandchild’s parent(s), also known as Your Adult Child (or Son/Daughter-in-Law). You may not agree with your child’s methods of parenting—a lot has changed over the years—but you have to accept that the parent is in charge, not you.

Communication is the key. Ask questions such as “What’s the latest he can go to bed?” and “Is it okay to take her to see that new film?” Respecting the parent’s authority will keep you in his or her good graces, and may help make your grandchild feel more comfortable as well. Always know the rules before you’re left in charge. If you think the rules are unreasonable, then communicate, negotiate, and do your best.

The bottom line? As you know for sure, life goes by very quickly. Enjoy your grandchild(ren)’s childhood while you can.

If You’re the Parent, Set the Rules and Let Go!

You work hard to set boundaries and rules for your child, and then some of them are thrown out the window at grandma’s house. How do you deal with that?

Set priorities. Will it really hurt your child if he stays up too late on occasion? Will your child be spoiled if she receives too many presents? Pick your battles carefully, drawing the line only when you feel a boundary must be respected.

Of course, if for any reason you think a grandparent is physically or mentally unable to take care of your child, do not leave the child alone with him or her. Your decision may hurt the grandparent’s feelings, but it is still your decision to make.

Talk to Your Children    

Even before your children are old enough to fully understand, start explaining that things happen differently at the grandparents’. For instance: “Honey, even though you eat a lot of candy at grandma’s house, that’s not the way we do it at home. Enjoy the candy, and remember that it’s a special treat that only happens at grandma’s.”

And Give Your Parents (or In-Laws) a Chance

Grandchildren can bring out the best in people. Try to let go of any leftover bad feelings you may have from your own childhood; this is not the time for revenge. Keeping grandparents from seeing grandkids hurts the grandkids as much as the grandparents. Give your children the gift of more people to love them—especially their grandparents.

© Harris, Rothenberg International, LLC