Being a Grandparent: A Special Role

With the birth of a grandchild, you gain an opportunity to offer a new generation a loving connection to the past. To be successful in this role, you’ll need a caring relationship with your grandchildren as well as a supportive relationship with their parents.

Building a Relationship With Your Grandchildren

It’s important to keep up-to-date with grandchildren’s lives by spending as much one-on-one time with them as possible. Consider the following suggestions:

Take them out for fun activities, like sports events, movies, hiking, dining, camping, or sightseeing.

Visit them frequently and invite them to visit you.

Learn about their world by meeting their friends, attending school and social events, listening to their music, watching their favorite TV shows, and taking them shopping.

Be attentive and respectful when grandchildren ask for support or advice. Encourage them to discuss feelings, and listen with an understanding rather than a critical ear to what they say.

Distance Creates Challenges

Many families live far apart, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have a close relationship. The key is to maintain communication and continuity, and today’s technology allows for both.

Telephone contact is vital because it lets your grandchildren hear your live voice. Call them alone for one-on-one time. You can even read books together by phone, making it a nightly or weekly routine. If calling isn’t feasible, you can keep in voice contact through recorded messages or stories on audiotapes.

Make use of computer technology. E-mail is a quick, inexpensive way to maintain frequent communication. You can even create and update your own Internet web page for your grandchildren to explore. If you don’t own a computer, most public libraries offer computer use and assistance.

Fax messages, copies of report cards, and other items of interest to one another.

Send notes, pictures, postcards, videotapes, audiotapes, and gifts by mail.

Take vacations or go to camp together. For example, there is an annual summer grandparents-grandchildren camp in the Adirondack Mountains in New York. Check out http://www.grandparenting.org for camp information and other grandparenting resources.

Whatever the means, the idea is to stay connected.

Supporting Parents

A good relationship with your grandchild’s parents is the foundation for a successful relationship with your grandchild. It is important for children to see you and their parents interact in a harmonious way. Differences are expected, but the way you handle those differences is what counts.

The most common problems between grandparents and parents stem from misunderstandings, lack of communication, and the grandparent’s difficulty accepting the new role. In order to be successful in your role as grandparent:

Respect parents’ rights to make decisions about their children and to learn from their mistakes.

If you offer suggestions, avoid challenging or criticizing. Point out positive things about your grandchildren and the parents’ skills. Offer your knowledge. However, recognize that decisions are still the parents’ call.

Communicate openly to discuss needs, develop coping strategies, and make sure that what you do with your grandchildren has the support of their parents.

Particularly in the case of divorce, be sensitive to the needs and opinions of both parents.

Humorist, Sam Levenson, once remarked that “The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.” While this statement may hold true in some families, always keep in mind that a good grandparent works as a teammate with parents, not as an opponent.

Be creative in finding ways to stay close to your grandchildren. Become a family resource, sharing your wisdom, personality, and experience, and continually express love to your grandchildren. It will be worth the effort.