Perhaps your family is relocating because your company is reorganizing, or you're being promoted to a new location. Maybe your family is going through a divorce, and separating parents are moving to new towns. Whatever the reason, during a move, children's lives are turned upside-down. The greatest distress for children during a move is the unpredictability of the situation, because this transition is out of their control.

While adults might welcome this change and find relocation an exciting event, children, on the other hand, prefer to be surrounded by familiarity; they thrive on routine. Your child's reaction to your family's impending move depends on his or her age, stage of development, temperament, and sense of security.

Typical transition reactions for infants and toddlers include changes in toilet training, eating habits, irritability, and sleep patterns. Parents should give babies more massaging, holding and comforting during this time.

Toddlers, who lack verbal skills, may kick, bite, or throw tantrums. Verbalize for your child by giving him language to express his feelings, and telling him that hurting people is not acceptable. Instead, give your child a pillow to kick and throw around.

Since parents are busy and more preoccupied than usual with an upcoming move, there may be dangerous objects lying around the house. Stay alert for sharp or harmful materials that could harm your child.

Once you are settled in your new home, reestablish routines as soon as possible. Nap, snack, and play time should be consistent. Your child will find comfort in the dependability of his daily schedule.

If children are afraid at night in their new rooms, use night lights. With lights, less accidents will happen and children will realize where they are. New places, new sounds and new smells are less threatening when lights are on.

Preschoolers don't have the capacity to realize what a move fully entails. So, they tend to follow their parents' lead: if adults are excited, children will be too; if parents are stressed, children may be too. Your preschooler may experience sleep disturbances and/or regressive behavior.

Be sensitive to your children's questions and concerns. Keep in mind that children become clingy when they are fearful, so be patient.

Take a positive approach to the move. Tell your children about the move as soon as you know for sure that it will happen. This planning gives children a chance to warm-up to the idea. Have easy-going talks about the move with your child once or twice a week. Be careful not to overwhelm your child with too much information. Explain what will happen in simple terms.

Make sure children know that they can bring all of their toys and treasures with them to their new home. Many children mistakenly believe that their belongings will be left behind. Be sure not to pack away all of your children's toys; children will need play objects handy during the move.

Additionally, when the movers are packing your belongings into the moving truck, make sure that at least one box of your children's toys is packed last, so that when you arrive to your new home, you'll have quick and easy access to some of your children's toys.

Since moving can be tiresome and stressful, be sure to set aside some time with your children in the beginning for pure enjoyment and exploration in your new town or neighborhood.

Some preschoolers may begin wetting their bed again, since children often regress during major life changes. To help, give your child some control over other aspects of her life by allowing her to make choices. But be careful not to overwhelm: when children are given too many choices, they feel out-of-control. For example, don't ask, "What do you want to have for dinner tonight?" Instead, ask, "Would you like pizza or chicken for dinner?"

For kindergartners, friendships have developed, so losing a friend becomes a big concern. Encourage friends to exchange gifts, photographs, and new addresses. You can also give children autograph books for friends to sign and draw pictures in.

Arrange a school or neighborhood photo session in order to take pictures of your children with their friends.

Make sure to have a good-bye party at school or home. Good-byes and feelings about friends being missed need to be acknowledged because children need closure. Encourage your child to make a good-bye book about her feelings.

Speak openly with your school-aged children about the positives and negatives of both their new and old homes. School-aged children have sophisticated ways of expressing dissatisfaction. Parents should try to avoid responding to an older child's negativity about relocating. Rather, talk to your children about what you're experiencing as well, be it uncertainty, sadness or excitement. Explain why it is necessary for the family to move, while being supportive and upbeat.

Sometimes a move can seem like the end of the world for school-age children, since older children are more invested in their peers. Don't ask your children if they've made friends at their new school yet. This question puts on a lot of pressure. Instead, let children know that it takes time to make friends.

Ask your child's new teacher to pair your child with a buddy at school in order to show her around. This way your child will feel connected and comfortable with someone in her new class. Eventually, your child's circle of friends will expand.

Children, like adults, need closure. Schedule good-bye visits to your child's favorite places. Create a neighborhood scrapbook with drawings, photographs, writings and remembrances of old friends and places.

Remember that children will eventually adapt to their new home, and no matter how out-of-control a child might feel during a move, security is where the parent is. When children learn their way around a new school, make new friends, and encounter new experiences, they are meeting new challenges which helps build self-esteem.

© Harris, Rothenberg International, LLC.