Coping with change is a skill, and learning how to manage change is among life's most important lessons which we teach our children. Whether a child is moving to a new neighborhood, a favorite teacher is leaving, or a child is starting a new school or care arrangement, a child must learn to adapt to disruptions and appreciate the positive aspects of change.

Keep in mind that there are two sides to every transition: learning or experiencing something new can be exciting and stimulating, however a child may feel the loss of something that was familiar.

• Be positive and reassuring by communicating that everything will work out well in the end.

• If a caregiver is leaving, make it clear to your child that she is not to blame. Children up to age six are "egocentric," which means that they would imagine that a caregiver has left because of something they did, such as not take a nap or put away toys.

• Make a "goodbye" book with your child. This activity can empower your child and provide her with a sense of closure. Goodbye books can contain photographs of your child's teacher, her former classroom, or other people and objects appropriate to the transition that is occurring.

• If you are losing a caregiver, ask your caregiver to work a few hours alongside your new provider, so that your child has a chance to become accustomed to the replacement. Positive interactions among all caregiving adults, including you and your spouse, will also help to deliver the message to your child that she will be okay.

• Acknowledge your child's feelings of loss when a caregiver or other loved one leaves. Once your child's feelings are known, you can help your child to further verbalize what he is feeling and teach him new words to describe his emotions.

• Be thoughtful when planning the schedule to deliver news that change will soon be taking place. Two and three-year-olds should be told only a few days in advance. Four and five-year-olds can handle information up to a week ahead of time, since their sense of time is more sophisticated. Make a calendar so that your child can count down the days preceding the big event.

• If changes are sudden (for example, if your nanny quits abruptly), encourage your child to communicate with his former caregiver. Perhaps your child can say goodbye over the phone or she can draw a goodbye picture for her. Be honest about what has happened by giving your child a simple explanation.

• Throw a special goodbye party for your child if he is leaving his child care center, or a party for your provider if she is leaving. This event will provide a sense of closure and will also help your child to feel good about saying goodbye.

• Minimize other changes in your child's life when a drastic change is taking place. For example, try to stick to regular routines for nap time and meals.

• Talk about your former caregiver whenever her name comes up. Talking nostalgically about loss will make your child feel better, not worse. Children need opportunities to vent their feelings of sadness and disappointment, and the frequency of discussion will help lessen the intensity of their feelings.

• Go to your local library or bookstore and read stories to your children about people who go away.

• If your family is making a child care change, visit the new family day care home or child care center together with your child. Show your child where the classroom, cubbies and bathroom are located. Introduce him to new teachers and classmates. Teachers and directors often encourage this visitation before care begins.

• Tell your child about the new activities, experiences, and friends that await him at his next school or classroom. Encourage play dates with new school mates if a move is taking place. Helping to ensure that your child knows someone in his new class will facilitate a better adjustment. Ask the director or principal about other families who might be interested.

• It is important that parents and teachers communicate so that home and school (or child care) are connected. This interaction will help to reassure children that a new school, teacher, or classmate is a fun, safe and exciting change. If your old or new school is not doing enough to help with the transition, speak up. Schedule a conference with your child's teacher to discuss your concerns and talk about ideas to make this time proceed more smoothly.

• Do not pressure your child to fit quickly into a new situation. The first month of change is always the roughest. Give it time.

• Help ease a child's entry into a new setting by bringing a security object from home, or by hanging family photographs in the cubby of your child's new care.

• It is not unusual for a child's behavior to take a turn for the worst during transition times. Be on the lookout for temper tantrums, crankiness, wetting, refusal to eat, fighting with siblings, or other regressive behaviors. Be patient and calm. Reassure your child that he is feeling upset because he is missing his caregiver, teacher, or friends, but that soon he will be enjoying new friends and teachers.

© Harris, Rothenberg International, LLC