Friends support, nurture, and affect our lives every day. Relocating to a new area can disrupt your social niche in a community—your support system—and weaken your self-esteem. Therefore, it is vitally important to develop new relationships to replace those left behind.

Whether you move to a rural community, large city or foreign country, recognize that each place has its own unique identity. You probably will feel lonely and out of place at first. You may interact with many people but feel no connection to them.

To develop friendships, first find out where to meet people who share something in common with you. Consider some of the following places:

• volunteer programs
• workplaces
• sporting events
• schools
• tours
• places of worship
• clubs
• craft and pet shows
• community theaters
• neighborhood events

The next step, strengthening a relationship, actually is a series of many subtle steps. It may be helpful to remember a concept expressed by Aristotle, "Wishing to be friends is quick work, but friendship is slow-ripening fruit." Unlike families in which births and marriages mark relationship beginnings, friendships develop over time with no clear-cut onset.

Consider each person you meet as a potential friend. Friendships almost always begin with superficial conversations like discussing the weather, children, pets or sports. This light talk is a give-and-take process that eventually may include sharing deeper feelings.

The degree of trust shared with another person determines the type of friendship you have, such as casual, working, etc. Keep in mind that all levels of friendship are important and can begin at any place, any time. People you meet as new acquaintances, like co-workers during a coffee break, can become special friends after facing problems, overcoming struggles or sharing successes together.

• Be a friend; extend yourself.
• Be yourself, but be tactful.
• Do things that make you happy—research shows that happiness attracts people.
• Hone conversation and listening skills.
• Ask people about themselves rather than making "I" statements.
• Maintain eye contact.
• Overcome shyness, fear of rejection or low self-esteem through counseling or personal-improvement workshops.
• Improve social skills through role-playing.
• Don’t wait for invitations, send your own.
• Don’t force a relationship that isn’t meant to be.
• Don’t expect close friends instantly.
• Don’t gossip.
• Don’t be judgmental.

Friends are everywhere. You may just not have met them yet.

© Harris, Rothenberg International, LLC